Swimmer
by SilkYuzu
Summary: Oneshot. KaiRei. Kai sobbed, going to his knees, “I lost one.” Rei tried to soothe him, but there wasn't much he could do. Kai was a Swimmer. A Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer. And it was tearing him apart.


His hair still smelled salty even after he had gotten out of the heavy gear and back into civilian clothing.

Rei inhaled deeply and closed his eyes tightly as he pulled Kai closer to his own body. It was so hard – never knowing if he was all right or not. Traumatic almost. With a shaky breath, Rei kissed Kai's cheek gently and squeezed him tighter.

Kai was silent, eyes closed, and arms securely wrapped around the shorter man's waist. From a distance, it might seem, as though Kai was holding his partner so that Rei was protected, when in all truthfulness, it was the other way around. Rei was his anchor.

The front door of their house slammed shut because of the salty sea wind, but neither noticed.

Kai squeezed Rei tightly, before tears began pushing past his eyelids and onto his dry, yet salty cheeks. The sea had really marked Kai, who often smelled of the raging waters.

Rei did not panic, although seeing Kai cry was a rare sight. Kai was a firm believer that crying was something that men should not do. It was not masculine. Rei threaded his fingers through Kai's hair and kissed him again, glad that he was safe. "Kai," He whispered, not trusting his own voice, "what…?" He could not even finish. There was too much to ask.

Kai sobbed, going to his knees and burying his face into Rei's stomach and the soft shirt he was wearing. His shaky hand fell lower, until each one was holding Rei's leg at about his knee. The usually firm grip of the Russian felt lax, and almost frightened. "I lost one." Kai finally said.

Kai was a Swimmer. A Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer. Kai did not regard it as a job – it was the only way he thought that it was possible to make a difference. He was not particularly smart, and it had settled in that after he died, about 20 years later no one would even remember that he even existed. The ability to save others from the beast that was the Bering Sea justified his life to Kai.

Justification had its price though.

Choosing who lived and who died was enough to drive Kai mad sometimes. When he was in the water, often it was in the middle of a storm, which made it even harder to reason things out. People were in the water waiting to be saved, each longing for it more than anything else. Sometimes, Kai could not save all of them though. Some were left behind.

Nightmares plagued him every night, the faces of each and every man and woman that he had let down.

It was the hardest lesson, and one that Kai still had not learned after three years as a Swimmer. Not everyone could be saved.

Kai sobbed again, his muscular form trembling a bit. "There were four…" he paused, breathing heavily, "I got the tree of them but the fuel was out." His grip suddenly tightened on Rei, "I had no choice."

"Oh Kai…" Rei found himself crying as well as he sunk down to Kai's level; on his knees. He took Kai's face into his own hands and pulled him close so that their foreheads touched gently.

"I-it's not my fault." Kai whispered firmly, opening his eyes and staring into Rei's.

"Of course not…" Rei tried to soothe.

Kai closed his eyes and sobbed again, more tears spilling out down his cheeks. "It's not my fault…" He whispered again.

Rei kissed Kai's temple and wrapped his arms around Kai's neck, "Every time you go out into the sea, I'm terrified that you won't be able to come back out." He paused, trying to find the right words, "The fact that you not only bring your self back, but even one other amazes me." He kissed Kai's temple again. "You swim as hard as you can, and bring them home."

"B-but…" Kai's eyes opened again, his lips were trembling a bit as the usually strong man looked like he might break down further.

"Shush." Rei said firmly, "It's tearing you apart I know." He stroked Kai's hair, feeling some of the slat that was left behind, "You can't beat the ocean baby, but you're doing a damn good job." He smiled a bit.

Kai seemed to calm down. Rei was trying his best to make things seem better, even though there was nothing that he could really say. But the fact that he was trying, that Rei still believed in him helped stitch back up the salty wounds the Bering Sea gave him. They still stung, but each one was worth it. Kai needed them, even though they hurt. He needed meaning in his life. To fade out of existance without a trace was... his greatest fear. Kai needed his purpose, no matter what wounds it brung.

But what if his purpose was to choose?

* * *

Hrm, I'm not sure how to explain the inspiration for this oneshot. I can say that I'm very pleased with how it came out though! How swimmers could possibly pick whom they save and who stays in the sea… I can't understand it. And it's possible that they don't either. Maybe it can't be answered. Maybe it's not our place to know the answer to this kind of thing.

This topic has been weighing heavily on my mind lately, and I needed to get it out my system. I'm very pleased with how my emotional rant became a short story with a bit of a plot…

Kai seemed like the perfect candidate to make the swimmer. He's so strong, and seems to need a way to justify himself and his actions. It's like Kai _needs_ a purpose.

But what if that purpose is to choose?

Eh, moving on. This is just some side info on the US Coast Guard.

Members of the US Coast Guard must go to training school to learn how to operate the equipment, as well as learn the required tasks that a swimmer must be able to preform. The must swim their hardest when they're in the water, because messing up could not only cost the life of a victim, but their own as well. Swimmers will leap from a helicopter into the raging waters below so that they can save a victim. The Swimmers and their crew use a special helicopter called Jayhawk.


End file.
